Sunday, June 10, 2012

Yes, Reality Television Stars with Rock Star Aspirations(Part One)

If rock stars make great reality television personalities, then reality television personalities should make great rock stars...right?

Real Life Rock Stars?
Reality television celebrity is a fickle, fickle thing. Some stars, like Kim Kardashian, manage to make millions just by showing up at the right events, while others find themselves relegated to obscurity the moment their shows stops airing. But it sure seems like they're all trying to be rock stars...

Ronnie Magro
Ronnie Magro is significantly less popular than fellow Jersey Shore castmates Pauly D and the Situation, perhaps because he lacks a catchy nickname. He still managed to put together a vanity single in 2012, however. In "How the F**k We Getting Home?" Magro mostly talks and giggles about how wasted he is over a thumping dance beat. He's so deep.

Angelina Pivarnick
It's hard to forget Angelina Pivarnick, the raven-haired trash-talker who lugged her belongings into the original Jersey Shore house in a set of trash bags. But her attempt at musical stardom is not worth remembering. In 2010 she released the heavily autotuned track "I'm Hot," which included witty lyrics like "I'm like an ice cream cone with a cherry on top" delivered in a lifeless bark.

Kim Kardashian
It might seem like everything Kim Kardashian touches turns to gold, but not when she opens her mouth. Her single "Jam (Turn It Up)" was heavy on beats but lacking a pulse, and it might be the most embarrassing thing produced by a family that regularly puts their medical conditions on display on their obviously scripted shows. She might have been more successful had she recorded the vocals drunk.

Tila Tequila
Tila Tequila was once renowned as the bisexual queen of MySpace, but now both Tila and her beloved social networking site have seen better days. In 2010 Tila released a 3-song EP, but her cover of Depeche Mode's "Blue Dress" was hard to take seriously considering it was being parroted by someone most famous for forcing potential suitors to eat animal testicles on her VH1 Shot of Love show.

Paris Hilton
Paris Hilton made a play at pop superstardom in 2006 with the release of her single "Stars Are Blind." We have to hand it to her: "Stars" was one of the most listenable tunes ever released by a reality television star, even if Paris had next to nothing to do with it. Hilton says she's hard at work on her next album, which is sure to be a big hit in Japan.

Heidi Montag
Heidi Montag and her "manager" and reality television cohort Spencer Pratt managed to throw millions behind the blond plastic surgery enthusiast's music career, but they made all the wrong calls. Montag passed on a track penned by Lady Gaga, and her low-fi music videos failed to make any impact on MTV, the network responsible for her fame.

Kim Zolciak
Kim Zolciak once aspired to become a country singer, but her biggest hit to date is 2009's "Tardy for the Party," arguably the best pop drivel to come out of the Housewives series (and there's been a lot). Zolciak even performed the song LIVE on The Ellen DeGeneres show. Color us impressed.

No comments:

Post a Comment